Just watching church people over the last week, it occurs to me that behaving like ‘family’ doesn’t mean everything’s happy all the time.

Families are messy. They make messes, they complain, and relationships are complicated.

Why are we surprised when church gets that way?

In our blood/marriage families, we expect this, and love through it, and stick with it anyway.

Here’s some examples I’ve seen this week of really messy, real family love:

• Everyone staying behind and waiting, watching, to make sure the paramedics properly look after one of our own who had a funny turn during the service
• Delighted clapping for the performance that is off-key–when we can hear it, that is–with messed up words, and nervous stares at the ceiling
• Paco turning up, unexpected, with a coffee for me when I looked tired and cold
• M, J, C and others helping someone make their own meals, and make them take their medicine, even when they don’t want to
• Kids moving furniture to make tents, buses, schools, and caves
• Everyone moving furniture together to set up for Little Acorns
• My own A banging Helen’s A over the head with a fairy wand
• Strong men helping almost-strong women move speakers out of the way
• Someone stuck in the kitchen, making drinks and washing up (but enjoying the company and the chat while they do)
• Someone (a mum, of course!) putting out new loo rolls
• Karen and Nigel visiting someone who needed them
• Margit understanding when I asked her to unexpectedly change her plans
• Someone taking the kids out to play, so the adults can concentrate
• Someone making sure the bills get paid
• Someone (often the same people every time) clearing up and doing the cleaning
• Someone lurking in the background, hoping to get away unnoticed
• All of us missing someone who isn’t there

And some things we can expect:

• Things will get broken, and someone will be cross
• Someone will want their own way
• Someone won’t be ready to talk
• Someone will misunderstand
• Someone will mess up
• Someone will leave us

We’re doing an awful lot right, but there are always things to learn from. Having a good look at how we are a family, warts and all, will help us accept it when our blemishes show.

Your  own family knows you’re not perfect. When church people set ourselves or others up with expectations of of our own perfection, then we are making sure everyone feels inferior.

Be honest. Things are great  sometimes, and sometimes they’re not. Love us anyway. Let us love you anyway. That’s what families do.

What are some examples you’ve seen of us being family, for better or for worse?

I know I’m seeing many of you shortly for the Wymondham’s Got Talent show we’re doing up at Queen Street. Having seen a preview of some of the acts, I can say it’s a good job we love each other, so we’ll be laughing with each other, rather than at each other!

Between domestic things and debating with E about whether she will indeed recite a poem tonight, I’m thinking about the service tomorrow. I’ve got something to say about choice, and something about families, so they’ve asked me to tie it together with the chocolates.

It’s on my mind, because in getting dinner ready, I came across this one in my cupboard.

If the children could reach that high, they’d just see it as a tiny Snickers bar, and it would probably go missing.

But I don’t eat it. I keep it, because for me, it’s more than a chocolate. Paul gave it to me one week, after the chocolates slot. I hadn’t come to the front. But a week before, I’d mentioned something in passing to him, and he remembered that some things aren’t particularly resting easy on my mind. He stopped by my seat as he went by, and said I should have a chocolate, too. I noticed he stopped by one or two other seats, as well, to let other people know he’s thinking of them.

That little morsel could be gone in one tasty instant–or I can keep it as a reminder that my troubles matter, and that someone cares.

Now back at the church, there’s a lot of discussion about the chocolates, and much of it misses the point, which is about creating a moment when we’re trusting each other with our experience, showing something personal about ourselves, and creating an opportunity for others to care for us.

And it matters: I have overheard conversations, months later, about how something said up the front – in the chocolates slot – touched people in a meaningful way.

It’s good to share our ups and downs with each other. If we show ‘weakness’ enough to admit that life can be tough for all of us, then we realise that nobody’s got a perfect life, and we stop holding ourselves up to an impossible standard which we think everybody else lives up to. And actually when we don’t pretend that everything’s fine, but we admit that sometimes things are hard, then actually we are much more forgiving of each other. We build trust. We get to give and to pray and to grow together.

Sharing builds relationships. The chocolate is just an excuse to make it happen.

(One more thing:  everyone’s reason for coming up the front for chocolate is valid, in their opinion. Even if some of our kiddies go away from our church (one day, hopefully way off in the future) remembering only the chocolate, well for me, sending them away with a bit of affirmation and unconditional love is what it’s all about.)

Rob shared a press release this week about the expansion of the Norfolk food bank, which we’re getting involved in. Those in need, who are at risk of going hungry, will be referred to us for a few days’ food. It’s a basic way to meet people’s needs, and we’re all really excited about it.

I’m not sure where the article has appeared, but I thought I’d share it.

Foodbank reveals plan for centres across Norfolk
The team behind Norwich foodbank has revealed its vision to see a network of foodbanks right across Norfolk, so that anyone who is in need of its crisis food service is within easy reach of one, and is appealing to churches to help it become reality. Keith Morris reports.

A very successful harvest appeal, backed by the efforts of Norwich Evening News readers and ultra-athlete Alex Panayotou with her 195-mile non-stop run to Norwich City’s Carrow Road stadium, has seen Norwich foodbank overwhelmed with 12 tonnes of food and donations. And now the Christian charity is looking for church partners to help it expand right across Norfolk.

Norwich foodbank project manager, Grant Habershon, said: “Our vision is to see a foodbank within easy reach of anyone in the county that may need one. Norwich foodbank is being brilliantly supported. What we want is that people in Cromer or Yarmouth for example also have somewhere to turn.

“As a minimum we would like to see five foodbanks across Norfolk in places like Great Yarmouth, Cromer and South Norfolk, alongside the existing ones in Norwich and King’s Lynn. If other towns or villages want a foodbank, then fantastic.

The Norwich Foodbank is already having an effect beyond Norwich within one year of opening.

“Food has come in from all over the county,” said Grant. “This includes schools from Cromer, Banham, Loddon, Dereham and Reepham and churches from Overstrand, Mattishall, Tipton, Paston, Hockering, Sea Palling and Wells. They also had a wonderful harvest collection from Wayland Prison.

“This incredible response is allowing us to push ahead with plans to open additional distribution centres for foodboxes, both in Norwich and now further afield.”

Grant and the team are now keen to speak to churches and communities outside of the city which are interested in becoming one of the distribution centres or would like help and encouragement in setting up their own foodbank and joining the Trussell Trust foodbank network.

“It is great if towns can set up their own foodbank and join the Trussell Trust network. King’s Lynn has just set one up and Thetford and Gunton will soon be doing the same. However many areas may not have the resources to do this or may need help and encouragement.

“Wymondham Rotary Club recently contacted Norwich foodbank to see how a distribution centre could be set up in their town. Local churches in the town got behind this cause and a distribution centre operating from Wymondham Baptist Church will be launched later this year.”

Churches Together in Diss and Harleston are very keen to get involved and may start by linking to the Norwich warehouse bringing food in and taking parcels out while working towards a longer term goal of setting up a south Norfolk Foodbank. Discussions are also taking place with churches in Swaffham, Dereham and Stalham.

In Norwich itself foodbank will be opening a new distribution centre for their food boxes at Witard Road Baptist Church at Heartsease in November and another one at Eternity Christian Centre in West Earlham in December.

You can quickly donate up to £10 to foodbanks by sending a text message reading “FBUK11” to 70070, which will be split evenly between Norwich foodbank and the Trussell Trust.